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IN TWO MINDS: The Anatomy of a Christian Hate Letter Letter Five: Webmaster's note: This is a series that should be read in sequence to be understood. It is strongly suggested that you begin with the introduction first! Dear
Valerie, About
a year ago, we moved into the home in which we now live in. When you’re
new to an area, making new friends is desirable. I was curious if one of
the guys helping us unload boxes might be a potential friend. Soon after
settling in, I invited him over for coffee. The conversation started from
scratch and before too long he began to speak of his church where he
ministered. I patiently listened and didn’t interrupt as he finished
expressing his thoughts. He invited my wife and I to come to his church.
He had no idea about my background, or Exminister. All the time I was
thinking, how will I gently introduce Exminister’s ideas to him;
decline his invitation; and yet express genuine desire to explore
possibly becoming friends? I
started by showing him my degree and ordination certificates on my wall.
He showed enthusiasm thinking that I was a Christian. I was just hoping
that he wouldn’t call me brother at this point! So I briefly discussed
Exminister for about 3 minutes and quickly changed the subject to
baseball. When discussing serious matters, I firmly believe that it is
best to first secure the other persons permission first before
proceeding to a potential emotionally charged subject. I was “on the
spot” here and couldn’t do this with him. It isn’t wise to dump
something abruptly onto another person. In that 3 minutes, I had asked
him to look at the website and said we could talk about it later, if he
wanted to? It
turned out that he didn’t want to talk about it. In reality all he
wanted was another tithing church member. Someone told me that he had
said some negative things about myself and Exminister to others. Since
then he has kept his distance from me. I
genuinely desire to have good relationships with good people, regardless
of their faith. Soon after other Christians discovered that I had left
the faith, most of those same people started to treat me in ways that I
had never expected. First I was stunned, soon afterwards I found myself
irritated with these same people that were cold or rude. I made some “personal
transaction” mistakes in my dealings with those same Christians when
trying to defend my new views. It
isn’t easy to tell the world that you are wrong about something, I
have my own pride! But in my irritation I found myself trying to provoke
or bait those same Christians into arguments. Inside my own ego, I knew
that I could easily win those debates. I always “won the battle, but
lost the war” in the process. This is an easy trap to fall into and I
hope that our readers will be wiser than I was upon leaving the faith,
and not repeat the same mistakes that I made. I think that it is difficult to succeed
in life unless you first take responsibility for your actions. So, here
is my confession! Once
you have made a mistake with a person, the road back isn’t easily
traveled. Who wants to step into the boxing ring with the undefeated
heavyweight champion, especially if you are a lightweight? I’m
learning to check my motives before I talk with people. Do I want to win
a debate? Embarrass someone? Be careful in what you wish for! Perhaps,
it is possible that I feel some responsibility for bringing others into
the trap that robs people of their lives? Maybe, I do what I do now as a
way to right the wrongs from my earlier days. But I sense that the
reason that I do what I do at Exminister is because I feel that there
are many good people that have been lied to about the Christian myth. I
think that when faith divides people, it is toxic and needs to be done
away with. Maybe I’m trying to justify spending all that money on my
degree? (LOL) Am I saying that if someone’s faith
is working for them and others without showing toxic results, should
skeptics then just avoid the religious subject altogether? Yes, this is what I have found
that seems to work the best. The way that I see it is that there should
come a time when this person, whom you wish to reach, will have sincere
doubt about their faith worldview. When a person’s worldview
repeatedly fails to answer individual, societal, and global problems a
person gradually looses faith in that worldview. At this point, viewpoints
similar to that which Exminister espouses are ready to be explored by
people with a receptive mindset. This is where we need to be ready to
step up! Remember that a man convinced against his will is of the same
opinion still. Valerie,
my families faith doesn’t work! Can you share some insight on how that
I might have done some things differently with my friends and family
when I sent them this initial email that is posted below? Hello everyone, Just a very quick note. Most of you know of my website www.exminister.org. I have posted
an article from the site at www.exchristian.net
and people have an opportunity to comment on it there at this website.
The article is named "God of the Bible is a Sheep Beater".
Those of you in NC will probably recognize and know of whom I am
speaking about. Was I fair to them? Anyway, I must go....my daughter
needs some attention! Sincerely, Brian Valerie,
I am enjoying these letters with you and will look forward to your
reply. Sincerely, Brian Want to review another letter in this series? Just click the link below.
Introduction Letter Letter 1 Letter 2 Letter 3 Letter 4 Letter 6
Brian Worley Exminister.org All rights reserved. Jan. 2008 |