What you probably did not know about the birds and the bees

Years ago, my wife and I decided to get a pair of cockatiels. Prior to our departure to the pet store, someone advised me about finding the right bird. They told me to let the bird choose you rather than me choosing the bird. Now doesn’t this sound like natural selection to you? So I thought. Personality matters, especially after the newness ends, and the daily cleaning become routine.

They said when you are in the selection process, take your time, and be very observant. George quickly took a liking to us, but finding his mate proved to be difficult. We took George home with us that day alone, unable to find his mate. After many days and pet stores we found someone that made his tail feathers ruffle.

We always thought that animals needed to express their sexuality or else they might become cranky. Suppressing their sexuality by isolating them would be cruel and inhibit the expression of their personalities. George was elated and they appeared to be happy together until his mate flew the coup.

Let me tell you about George, he is a happy, playful bird that can flawlessly whistle the Muppet song tune and won’t be denied his being freely perched in proximity to the breakfast table with us in the mornings. But in the despair of loosing his mate, he became a shadow of his normal happy go lucky self. Back to the pet store!

Needing to quickly find his new mate, we strayed from our original plan of selection. George didn’t make the return trip back to the pet stores. Otherwise, we found another lovely female with a dynamic personality. Just one other obstacle remained, I didn’t know how to ascertain what sex the bird actually was. We wanted babies some day! The clerk spoke confidently like she knew what she was doing and that was all the assurance that we needed! Dolly was headed home as the antidote to George’s blues!

Sure enough, it was love at first site! So much so that tears welled up in our eyes, it was lovely! Years passed and they still are happy together. How could a human know how a bird feels? Well, George stills sings his differing romantic tunes, ruffles his feathers and we often hear or see them making love together. You would think that after playing the role of matchmakers here, we couldn’t or wouldn’t expect more!

Isn’t the implication about the birds and the bees a slightly more vanilla euphemism for having sex and making babies? So I thought. We are jealous about their sexual prowess together, but where are the babies? We hoped to inspire them towards joining us as a couple that had recently given birth! They seem to love our daughter but despite all their sexual attempts…. no baby cockatiels!

We made everything as conducive as possible for them. Perhaps they were just infertile? Could it be? If so, no one had taught me this version of the birds and the bees! Somehow, I sensed the irony of a former fundamentalist minister that had previously railed against homosexuality as a sin against God and nature itself now having a practicing couple residing in my very own home. Funny how life chooses to teach you its lessons isn’t it!

Our curiosity peaked and we just had to know if animals practiced same sex relations. Not only had this subject been researched, the number of documented cases numbered into the hundreds. Yes, some animals do participate in same sex activity. The implications of the research are vast in their scope!

One can understand why such friction surrounds this research. First, some aspects of evolution are called into question. Second, this upsets some peoples understanding of God, especially fundamentalists who literally believe the Bible. Many, I am sure, will seek to suppress the facts because they demand an adjustment in our understanding. This research appears to repudiate matters that many hold dear within their hearts. In our case, we have nothing invested and we are free to accept the reality without upsetting our way of life. Years ago, this would not have been the case. We are satisfied that our birds are happy even if a trip to the veterinarian proves that our birds are gay!

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